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Friday, October 16, 2015

Eggs to Order

I was headed back from Dallas the other day after leaving my son’s house early so I could get on the road and he could get off to work. I had stopped at a convenient McBreakfast so I could get a couple of sausage biscuits and some orange juice to wash down my morning medsa task required by my advancing age and ailments.

I had placed my order and finally paid after they figured out their system wasn’t taking debit or credit cards. I was getting my order which had been ready far before we ever figured out the cash transaction when the two guys standing in line behind me got their chance to order.

The girl running the cash register states: “Cash only guys!”

The one guy says: “I want a coffee and an egg… (I don’t rememberthe reason will become immediately obvious!), and I want that with a round egg instead of a folded egg.” The minimum wage worker behind the counter received the request and took it easily in stride. I had never heard this egg qualifier selection before at burger-breakfast jointsand I have some forty-five or fifty years’ experience with eggseating, supplying, and cooking them; still this was new to me.

As I sat down with my sausage biscuits, I was giving the two guys the look-over. They were both in their late forties or early fifties and seemed to be of the blue collar type. I believe they knew each other for an extended amount of time as one inquired to the other’s wife by name and understood the response well and commented back with empathy. The round egg guy offered to buy both orders and wouldn’t take no for an answer. There was no more mention of round or folded eggs after this point in time.

Now, before you start to think, “this guy’s crazy or completely uninformed,” let me put you straight. I know how to fold eggs into recipe ingredients and I know how to fold eggs when preparing an omelet. I just never considered that there were options of round or folded eggs in your McBreakfast sandwich order.

I should have taken time to inquire as to the difference with management but their time (and staff) was shortlargely due to the system malfunctionand I was really interested in getting back home.

I did spend a great deal of time considering the options as I drove back south.

I guess you could say chicken eggs are round. But wouldn’t you consider them more of an oblong than round?

I could see several hens standing there in the yard or cage and looking at another cackling hen who had just stood up and began to brag about being the first hen to lay a round egg. What would the others hens be rumoring? Maybe something like: “Whoa, look at that! Wonder what Farmer Brown’s gonna say when he sees that. We gotta make sure he knows who laid that. I’m not taking the blame for a disfigured egg!”

Or maybe: “This free range category is gonna do us all in. We need to get back in those square cages and gets these eggs right. Next thing you know, we’ll all be required to lay eggs to orderevery shape that some geometry teacher can devise. I don’t think I’m gonna like the ramifications of this at all.”

I’d never cogitated the level of understanding of the future aspirations of female chickens before or the level of discussion that could be taking place when McBreakfast first approached them with this idea. I wonder if the marketing campaign included any of their hopes and desires. How about their ambitions, goals and objectives? And, come to think of it; just what does free ranging chickens actually mean? Just how free are they anyway? I’ll have to Wikipedia that when I get home.

Can this round or folded aspect of eggs have any impact on nuggets or a happy meal. I wonder where Popeye’s and the King stands on this differentiation.

Next to thrust itself into my consciousness was the training and classification of the workforce in the kitchen. Is there special training required for the preparation of round eggsprobably there’s just a device they use on the griddle that you poor the egg (round or oblong) into. I would imagine that the guy doing the folding would be able to demand a higher wage; don’t you think? He or she must possess some additional talent to accomplish the foldthat’s gotta be difficult. I’m looking at the want ads first chance I get. I’ve never tried to fold an egg, but next Sunday morning I’m doing the eggs and I’ll bet ya I’ll be on top of this within the first dozen or so; after all, I have my own spatula and am pretty good with it.

I checked Amazon and they have every different kind of round egg device one can imagine and they come in almost any multiple of eggs that one might desire. In addition, you can get just about any configuration you like: from hearts, wise owls, bread slices, bunny rabbits, pigs, cows, clouds, heads and skulls, even Mickey Mouse; it goes on and oneach with their own individual handle to manage the operation. There’s even a stainless steel egg shell crackersorta designed along the lines of a miniaturized log splitter. If you are looking for them, just Google “egg, cooking mold” and you’ll find more than you ever thought appropriate.


I had to kick some facts outta my head to get my arms wrapped around this fairly new concept but right about now, I’m guessing you can get your eggs just about any way you want them in any of the first rate breakfast shops. I never did find instructions on folding the egg. Soon as I can make more brain room, I’m gonna work on that.

After I thought that I had this where I wanted it; I gave it another look. The folded egg still remained a mystery. I had to continue and delve a little deeper; the question rolling around my mind still hadn’t been answered.

So, just what’s the objection to folded eggs? This might go deeper than one might expect. So, why the guy placing his order behind me in line not want a folded egg.
Hang on! I did a little online research and found some pix of McBreakfast’s folded egg products. They all kinda look like this:


I also found a bunch of results stating just how this is done. There’s even a few YouTube videos on the subject on how some of these establishments go about the task:

There are some reasons for the dislike of folded eggs that goes deeper in our psyche, especially in the generation that came of age in the 60s and 70s; especially among those that served time in the military of that era. I remember very well, those canned egg products of the infamous B ration that was prevalent during the operations of that time. Those of you reading this that fit that description may well remember them also. They could be very, very good; but also be very, very AWFULL. It all depended on the quality of the mess personnel that prepared them.

I remember an occasion in the late 70s or very early 80s, when a cohort of mine CW4 Brenner, was teaching some Special Operations reservists how to prepare B ration eggspowdered eggs to most of you out there. Mr. Brenner was a joker a great deal of the time. I just happened to walk up on him instructing a young reservist in the art of B ration eggs. With the reservist standing over a large kettle of powdered eggs and milk with a long handled ladle in his hand, his words went something like this: “Now if you stir them up like this” while assisting the kid’s hand in a clockwise direction, “you get scrambled eggs. But, if you stir them like this,” reversing the young soldier’s motion to a counter clockwise direction, “you get omelet eggs.” I just kept going on my rounds, all the while knowing we were gonna have some type of eggs for our breakfast sooner or later. Inspiring cooks was as tough a task in the military as anyone might want to tackle. I will say that the eggs I sampled later from the serving line; both the scrambled and the omelets were pretty good. I’m guessing the young reservist made two pots of reconstituted eggs just to validate the theory.

During my online search, I also came across some very interesting material relating to a conspiracy theory that powered eggs are the cause of many of the world’s maladies: autism, yellow fever, scarlet fever, sleeping sickness, and the list goes on and on. The believers of these theories are staunch and find fault with the government at every turn; especially in the egg supply industry. This has a lot to do with the vaccine rebellion of late. You realize that all those vaccines are developed inside eggs. Or so we thought.

I came across a very informative website that backs up, with minute details, all the information these guys believe in. Their organization: CAFE – Citizens Against Folded Eggs supports these facts 100%. Give it a look!

Order up!

PS: Don’t try that URL above. I made it up to go with the chain of consciousness that I was having while I was documenting the round versus folded egg controversy.