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"There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress." Mark Twain (1835-1910)

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"Liberty must at all hazards be supported." -John Adams (1735-1826)

Monday, March 29, 2010

Yard work for Superman

Yesterday afternoon, both Patsy and I took on the re-firbation of our yard after the horrible winter (Central Texas standard you understand). We bought flowers to replace those that were destroyed; some after being in place for six-seven years or more and some after just last spring and summer.

We may be throwing good money after bad as we consider the dooming effect of the scourge of global warming but who really knows. We took on the task anyway.

The longer the day drug on the worse I felt. The evening and night wasn’t much better. I just never seemed to get my second wind. This morning I feel so stoved-up that I can hardly move about at all.

Checking my tennis shoes this morning I discovered light green stains around the sole and sidewalls that lead my to a search of the internet for a possible culprit. I went immediately to the internet and the one and true source of all known knowledge, Wikipedia, and conducted an in-depth search.

Studying my lameness this morning and the aches and pains associated with it, I have come to the conclusion that I must have stepped on a small concentration of Kryptonite somewhere in the back yard, quiet possibly out behind my square foot garden plot. As I think about it now I should have been able to not step into it as the small bit of the green element may actually have been the only patch of green in the entire back yard and therefore should have received at least a second glance. The minute particles of Kryptonite probably lodged in the treads allowing me to track it around with me the entire afternoon and evening – this prolonged exposure more than likely accounts for the way I feel this morning.

Having researched the element on Wikipedia quite extensively I feel I owe it to the rest of the world to make you aware of the danger that exists from this fiend of outer space nature. I found that there were so many forms of Kryptonite that this may have been my downfall for maybe the last ten to fifteen years. You might want to start watching out for it yourself especially if you are reaching the years of real vulnerability. Here are some of the verified forms that you may encounter: Green Kryptonite (the most prevalent), Red Kryptonite, Gold Kryptonite, Blue Kryptonite, Black Kryptonite, White Kryptonite, Silver Kryptonite, Orange Kryptonite, Jewel Kryptonite, Anti-Kryptonite, X Kryptonite, Slow Kryptonite, Mango Kryptonite, Bizarro Red Kryptonite, Kryptonite-X (or Kryitisium), Magic Kryptonite, Pink Kryptonite and Gemstone Kryptonite – its appears to be everywhere.

If the above wasn’t so bad, there seems to be man-made forms also: Synthetic Kryptonite, Magic Kryptonite, Hybrid Kryptonite, and Green Lantern Kryptonite.

If all this isn’t bad enough there is also Hoax Kryptonite that appears in nature as Silver Kryptonite (this form appears to have a split personality), Yellow Kryptonite, Blood Kryptonite, Kryptonite Plus, Purple-Spotted Kryptonite, and Fake Kryptonite. That makes you seem to feel bad even though it doesn’t.

Watch out for Kryptonite. It seems to be everywhere. Check it out for yourself or just take it from one who has been struck by its dastardly side effects.