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Friday, September 16, 2011

4 Useless devices in the backyard

I know I am getting older; heck it’s obvious. It hurts to do just about anything, especially if it requires the movement of my appendages—any or all of them.

As I was coming back inside yesterday afternoon upon completion of a game of retrieve the bird with my pups, Little Gus & Otis, I noticed a device laying by the back door that I could not for the life of me remember why I had it or why it was where it was.

But there it lay. Right in front of the back screen door. It seemed to be a leaf specimen collector. What do I do with the leaves once I get them collected. I’m not about to catalog a bunch of leaves and anyway; once I had them cataloged, then what do I do? I’ve just been stepping over it or walking around it for so long now, I can’t remember why.

Off to the left were some objects that resembled the chairs that we use inside the house. These objects seemed to be collecting leaves also—I remind you here of my argument above. They could be chairs for lounging outside but we haven’t done that in some time. I guess we stopped about the same time that the weather started hitting 100+ºF or more—ya just can’t sit out there in that heat. Maybe I should put them away for the winter; you know we have some pretty tough winters around here. But wait! What if we have a fall this year? Might I need them that week? I guess I will leave them out for the time being.

Oh! There’s that swing over there. I faintly remember what that does. We used to sit in it with the grand kids when they visit. The heat has kept them away from Austin this year. It seems to be cooler up in North Texas—boy they’re some lucky son-of-a-guns up there.

I walked back out in the yard to see what was setting on the fence my neighbor and I share—it keeps us from doing battle over the little rat dog they have. That rat keeps my two pups stirred up all the time. They have never seen the rat, but they instinctively know that they shouldn’t like it. The device that is attached to the fence looks to be the most useless device of all the devices that I probably own. It seems to be a spider trap. Now, like in the case of the leaves—you remember those leaves I mentioned earlier—I have absolutely no use for spiders or know anywhere I could sell (or donate) a gaggle of spiders should I be able to trap them in that gal-darned trap.

I stood scratching my head for a moment until it became way to hot to be standing out in the middle of the yard in the 100+ºF heat so I decided to go inside and come back out about 2 AM—it’s a lot cooler at 2 AM—and try to make heads or tails of these contraptions. They must have some use, but danged if I can remember what it might be.

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