Recently posted quotes:

"There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress." Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.” -Will Rogers (1879-1935)

"Stability in government is essential to national character and to the advantages annexed to it." -James Madison (1751-1836)

"Liberty must at all hazards be supported." -John Adams (1735-1826)


Sunday, June 25, 2017

Hillside Assistance

Here's a sneak peak at a short story collecting I am putting together:



Hillside Assistance

Remembering better days and staring at a blank screen, I began to have this strange stream of consciousness. I started documenting a hillside scene of a time some 141 years ago today on the 25th of June, in 1876 when my imagination turned to:
 “What might have happened if there was a millennial serving that fateful day alongside a 1950s version of a Calvary Commander and a cell phone was introduced into the transaction?”

Thinking the conversation might have started sorta like this and continuing throughout the remainder of the afternoon; well, part of the afternoon anyway:

*****

Shit! We need reinforcements NOW! Send for the semaphore guy! Summon a rider immediately? Where’s my Aide-d-Camp?”

“Here sir! This is what ya need?” responded the Aide.

“We’ve got to get help and we need it fast. What the Hell is this thing?”

Confidently standing there with a chest puffed out and completely bare of medals and campaign ribbons, the shave tail aide says: “But here sir! I’ve got one of these newfangled devices the Quartermaster ask that I take along and test out. He said it’s gonna be the best thing since leather boot laces.”

“OK! Give it to me. What good is this little box gonna do me? How do I work this damn thing anyway?”

The aide responded with complete confidence that he had the solution: “Wait sirdo this.” as he turned the box around and flipped it open. “Poke that button right there, talk into it, and Siri will help you out.”

Struggling with the box and the aide: “Who the Hell is Siri anyway? Damnit! OK, gotcha.”

“Hello! Have I got the War Department?”

*****

“Whadda you mean? Do you wish to connect to the Pentagon?”

*****

“Pentagon, smentagon! I need Plans and Ops in the War Department!”

*****

“Where the Hell are you anyway? Good! Connect me right away.”

*****

“Have I got the War Department now?”

*****

OK, OK! Could you connect me with Plans and Operations?”

*****

“Plans and Ops, I have a question ‘bout today’s operation.”

*****

“No Sarge! Damnit! I want to talk with the officer in charge. Please get him and be double quick about it!”

*****

“Hello! Are you the guy who wrote today’s op order?”

*****

“OK, I’ve got the guy I wanta talk to now. I have several immediate questions.”

*****

“No, no. I’m in Montana. I’m not in Afghanistan somewhere with, what did you say, the Taliban? Give me the guy in charge of the Montana operations order!”

*****

“Hello! Are you the guy who wrote today’s op order?”

*****

“I’m out here with the 7th Cavalry and I see in paragraph number 1a that the enemy force estimate says there might be light opposition. Man, do you have any idea just how God Damn many Indians there are out here?”

*****

“Right Major! Well, we’re here in the Black Hills just west of the Little Big Horn on a hillside overlooking the entire valley and we’re currently engaged with your light opposition. I wanta’ tell you that your Intel was a bit off.”

*****

“Well, let me tell you one thing; there’s a whole hella’va lot more than light enemy action out here. The God Damned Indians are everywhere. Major, we need reinforcements NOW!

*****

“I don’t know where you got your Intel, but mine is first hand and I’m telling you there’s a hell’ava lot of Indians out here today. The hills are crawling with Indians.”

*****

“Have I heard from Reno? I’ve lost contact with him hours ago. He shoulda been here, but he aint! Anyway, what kinda question is that? Shit, Reno’s probably got his ass in a crack just as much as we have!”

*****

 “What’s the chance you could send in the Immediate Reaction Force? They aren’t in contact are they?”

*****

“Whada ya mean they aren’t available and just what good do you think the South Dakota National Guard will do me in the next thirty to forty minutes? We’re surrounded on this hillside by more God Damned Indians than you’ve ever seen. There’s Indians everywhere and they’re still more a’comin’. I don’t think activating the South Dakota National Guard is our answer. We’d probably need the South Dakota, North Dakota, Montana plus the Wyoming National Guard just to make a difference, and we’d probably still be sucking hind tit.

This isn’t some band broken loose from a Black Hills reservation running around the prairies fornicatin’ everywhere. You do understand what I mean when I say there’s a whole lota God Damned Indians out here?”

*****

“Wait a second. I gotta say somethin’ to Sargent Jones.”

“Watch out Sarge! Oops, too late! Say Ops, just how many Survivor Assistance Officers do you have on call today?”

*****

“I’m a’thinkin’ you’re gonna need to get a few more ready!”

*****

“No Major, I talkin’ a shitpot more than that!”

*****

“Where’s that smart ass Aide-d-Camp? Hold on another second there Ops. I gotta…”