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Thursday, July 16, 2015

Jade Helm 15 & Protection against them government invaders

Just this very morning, the valiant members of my cul-d-sac militia beat back a probing action from the troops involved in the Department of Defense exercise Jade Helm 15. They did themselves and their cul-d-sac nation proud. Every attempt at crossing our most southerly and easterly fence line was repulsed with great vigor.

The aggressors had rolled into the area from the fringe of Bastrop extremely early for our mostly retired defenders; probably close to 0930 or 1000 hours. Most of us still hadn’t had our morning oatmeal and raisins yet. But we were ready soon as the neighborhood dogs let us know we had unfriendlies in the area. Our night cats had patrolled almost all the way to Bastrop the previous evening and had advised of the massing of troops and equipment along our eastern periphery. At the midnight strategic planning meeting, our sole non-sixtygenarrian was advised of the threat. He wisely decided to alert the rest of us the next morning foregoing the ultra-late night wake-up of sleepy headsmost of us greatly appreciated his foresight or we would have been worthless defending the ramparts this morning.

As we assembled this morning, the initial question was whether Governor Abbott was going to send troops to help us defend our cul-d-sac. Nobody had an answer, so we all checked our cells and found we needed recharging to a man. Our sole just-turned-sixty member of the defense team questioned the need to draw a line is the asphalt. We decided to table the question until we had determined the amount of effort this would drain from our barely-able-to strength levels and revisit the question at a later planning session.

Well, just as soon as we heard the Humvees heading our way, we were on guard and hanging over our privacy fences, ready for action. Every AR-15 we could get our hands on was pointed east with thirty plus round mags in place and skads of loaded mags on the readythey weren’t coming into our base of operations without a fight.

Through our binocs, we couldn’t see a bright orange armband in the bunch. We right away knew we had been duped by the sideways propergander spewed forth by the establishment and the liberal media. Still, we had some reason to deliberate over whether these were the good guys or the bad guysmaybe Governor Abbott had sent them. What if these guys were the Governor’s observers? We sure didn’t want the state house coming for us cause we attacked the National Guard. We held up for just the slightest ‘till we could get a better read on the situation. That’s when we finally had a couple of bars on my neighbor’s cell and called Greg’s operation center at Camp Mabry. They verified they had no troops in our area.

One of the guys ask: “What if it’s those guys from the International Society of Bridge Spitters? It might be Mr. Eric Johnston and his “neighborhood watch.” What then?” We cogitated for a moment or two and decided these guys were on their own; we had no way to contact them and besides, they weren’t flying a white flag or anything that would ID them as bridge Spitters. We cut loose with our AR-15s and gave ‘em hell-to-pay! We fought tooth and nail for what seemed like hours and hours.

There’ll be no martial law in our cul-d-sac!

Before long, they were pulling back and their attempt to overrun our cul-de-sac had been immediately repulsed. We drew a sigh of relief and adjourned to the first neighborhood house for a big ‘ole glass of Iced Tea! After all, it was closing on noon and lunch was soon the topic of discussion. I hope the Warden has somethin’ other than oatmeal on the menu!

Our tongues are in our cheeks.

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